Give her Everything!
I noticed I haven’t been posting a lot about marriage so I decided to do that today.
Ephesians 5:22-33 is one of God’s most direct guidelines about marriage. Yet it seems like most emphasis is given to the wife’s roles (vs 22-24) – especially from men. That’s strange because those verses are to/for women. If you count them up, there’s 3 verses written to women and 9 written to men. I wonder which verses us husbands and men of the church need to be focusing on.
Men definitely have the bigger role. We are responsible for giving up ourselves for her, taking care of her, pouring into her spiritual growth, loving her more than we do ourselves, and according to verse 21, submit to her too!
Some of the marriage books and seminars I’ve read/gone to are often about how to take care of her so that she takes care of me and vice versa. This, in turn, takes care of our marriage. But this passage in Ephesians reads to me like this:
It’s not about me and it’s not about us. It’s about her. It’s not about meeting her needs and speaking her love language so she will reciprocate. It’s about doing it because I have been told to give my life up for her. This means pouring into her whatever she wants or needs and expecting nothing back. Doing this means I am (even currently) having to give up on things I’d like to see in our marriage.
Honestly, it’s been painful and disappointing. Do I really trust God enough to say, “I’ll let go of my wants/needs because trying to get her to meet them causes us more pain and strife. Meanwhile, every day I’m her husband, my goal will be to give her whatever she needs and wants.”
I’m not sure what the takeaways are. Us men need to take a hard look at what this passage is about. From the pulpit to each man, we need to be focusing on what we’re not doing and be doing it.
How do you think your spouse would feel if you never denied them what they needed or wanted?